Seriously…what kind of shape are you in? I am constantly pushing the need for the application of functional fitness in your life…but why? Well, reason #243,859: fitness can save your life. How prepared are you in the world of functional fitness? In life? Could you save your life if the situation arose? Would you be capable of performing simple physical tasks?
Below I have outlined five scenarios, some possible and some not so much, but look them over and see how you would fare in each situation. Don’t worry, if you wouldn’t do so well I have listed some exercises that may help.
Scenario #1: Fence Jumping
Functional Fitness Tested: Run, Jump and Climb
It is night-time, of course, and you and a group of friends walk into an old cemetery (like people always do…) when suddenly the gate slams closed behind you, and you quickly realize that the door is lodged shut and you will not be able to open it. It is a small cemetery and is completely fenced in with metal posts that have very sharp points. Suddenly, a herd of zombies is headed your way….WOULD YOU SURVIVE!?
To some of you this is a complete joke; to others this is a serious question. Seriously, if I were to put you in just a 5×5 sq. ft. enclosure with a 5ft. fence that had razor sharp points, could you get out without hurting yourself? To explain further, the fence posts are separated 6 inches a part with a foothold at the top and in the middle; to put it simply, a pretty standard fence.
Could you jump/climb over the fence without hurting yourself? Honestly, if someone was obese enough; a simple pointy tipped fence enclosure could be the end of them, zombies or no zombies. I am not making fun of anyone here, but hopefully bringing it to your attention will inspire those who are in need Every human should be able to save themselves if the situation arose.
FYI – Some professional power lifters and bodybuilders could not pass this test.
- Box Jumps
Scenario #2: Stairs to Save Your Life
Functional Fitness Tested: Stamina, Power and Endurance
You are well into the post-apocalyptic world and have chosen to reside in a luxury villa in an old hotel; because that is freaking awesome. Only problem is that it is on the 44th floor and elevators stopped working a long time ago…You keep a “go bag” ready in your villa at all times just in case a massive heard of zombies came and you needed to relocate. Well, today is that day. You were outside on the ground floor looking for some food when you see 1,000’s of zombies headed your way. You know that you wouldn’t last more than a day or two without your go-bag; since it has extra ammo, food and other items. You realize you only have about 20 minutes to go grab your bag on the 44th floor, get back down and run as far away as you possibly can….WOULD YOU SURVIVE!?
How about it? Is your body prepared for that kind of action? That is quite a hike in a limited time, and what’s worse is after climbing up and back down 44 stories, you still have an endurance run. While this test is not quite as easily passed as the fence test, we are talking life or death. Could your body do this if it absolutely had to? If your answer is no; you should probably worry about getting a stockpile of ammunition, or you could just workout.
FYI – Some professional power lifters and bodybuilders could not pass this test…and a lot of other people.
- Broad Jumps
Functional Fitness Tested: Strength and Speed
You have decided to camp out in the woods for a while since it is easier to get away from massive herds of zombies out in the open. You recently met up with your best friend, by chance, and you are stoked cause you thought he/she was dead. Even though you know to always keep your shoes on in a zombie-infested world…your friend doesn’t. This time you wake up to 6 zombies 5ft. away from you and your friend. You get up quickly and alert you friend (who is shoeless) and he/she gets up hastily and steps on his/her knife in a very bad way and cannot walk. This all happens in a matter of seconds and you only have a second to scoop your friend up off of the ground and get out of there….WOULD YOUR FRIEND SURVIVE!?
This one not only takes strength, but also speed. Not running speed, but the ability to quickly call on your anaerobic capacity to perform. You only have a second to pick up your friend and put him/her on your back and get out of there. Most people could drag or pull someone to safety if they really needed to, however, if it were a situation where you needed to actually pick someone up, put them on your back and hike with them…could you do it?
FYI – Some professional endurance athletes could not pass this test.
- Sand bag sprints
- Bag drops and pickups
- Ball slams
Scenario #4: Crawl and Carry
Functional Fitness Tested: Strength and Stamina
You found an old warehouse full of canned food! You spend a few hours picking your favorite foods and loading them into two separate duffel bags. You don’t realize it, but each duffel bag weighs 70+ lbs. You leave them unattended by the exit for a moment to open a giant metal rusty storage door, because you know that is where the true mother load of food is. Much to your surprise…the room is full of zombies. Not only that, the door was old and created a spark when it opened and now the whole building is on fire and smoke is everywhere. Zombies don’t know to crawl to avoid smoke…but you do! Now you must crawl 100 yds. to the exit (while zombies are blinded by smoke and wheezing), pick up your two duffel bags after the crawl and run to safety….WOULD YOU SURVIVE AND KEEP YOUR FOOD!?
Ok, so this one is a little far-fetched. But grip strength is often overlooked in all forms of training, and when is the last time you crawled…honestly. I know I don’t do it very often. But having the strength to do a double farmers carry with 70+ lbs. and be able to crawl for 100 yards is quite functionally fit.
FYI – A lot of freaking people could not do this.
- Farmer’s carry
- Bar hangs
- Kettlebell swings
Scenario #5: Zombies attack – Could you survive it all?
Functional Fitness Tested: All of it…
In real zombie-life this maybe your day-to-day, or it could all happen at once. Could you start in a cemetery run and jump/climb over a tall fence, run up and down 44 flights of stairs to grab your go bag, pick up your friend and carry him/her to safety, and then crawl 100 yards and carry two 70+ lb. duffel bags to a safe location??? Say…do all of this in just a few hours? WOULD YOU SURVIVE IT ALL!?
FYI – If the zombie apocalypse were to happen; the zombies wouldn’t be the real reason our population would disappear – the real reason would be a lack of functional fitness.
I had fun writing this post and I hope you had fun reading it! While these scenarios will most likely never happen to you, I cannot stress enough how important functional fitness is in your life. Right now in the fitness world ‘Functional Fitness’ is a term that is primarily used and prescribed to the elderly to ensure they keep their mobility in the later years. However, functional fitness goes far beyond elderly mobility. Functional fitness will help you everyday of your life. Things that you find annoying in everyday life will become things you do not even think about. Functional fitness will help you do amazing things without having to even train specifically for whatever you want to do. You will possess the general physical preparedness to act and do almost anything you want. Join The Revolution of Fitness Nonconformity and let’s show the fitness world that functional fitness is for everyone.
P.S. – Yes, functional fitness can give you an amazing looking physique.